


Thor, You Little Sh*t

by LetUsWriteItOut



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack Crossover, Crack Treated Seriously, Forced Cohabitation, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:28:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28359333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LetUsWriteItOut/pseuds/LetUsWriteItOut
Summary: "Earth is no penitentiary," Strange tried to argue."Everything will be just fine, Doctor, do not worry yourself," Thor gave him a warm if not entertained smile.(different timeline + a bit AU)---> Loki didn't fake his death after the Dark Elves, so Thor wants him to remain on another planet until Odin calms. But why does it have to be Earth, and Strange who has to deal with the menace, that he can't comprehend.
Relationships: Loki/Stephen Strange
Comments: 11
Kudos: 21





	Thor, You Little Sh*t

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, welcome! A little warning before we start: this is M/M, NOT femLoki.
> 
> Although it would be fun either way, I do not wish to work with the genderfluid Loki in this particular fic.
> 
> XOXO

"Earth is no penitentiary," Strange tried to argue. 

As Sorcerer Supreme, it was in his best interest to keep the relations between Earth and Asgard amicable. Yet, what the God Of Thunder wanted was possibly worse than questioning his judgment.

"I know, and that's completely fine, Doctor, do not worry," Thor gave him a warm smile. "My brother has repented enough. All he needs is sanctuary until he can return to Asgard."

"If he served his sentence, why not return right now?" Strange asked, while his cloak crossed his arms.

"Because Thor can't be sure he won't be prosecuted upon his return himself," Loki flashed a smile at them, but it didn't reach his eyes. "True, I was promised freedom for my help, but he went against the wishes of his father."

" _Our father,_ " Thor stressed, and Strange couldn't help but sigh. He didn't care about any of their sibling rivalry or quarrels - whatever it was.

"Some people of Earth would still like to see Loki dead. Some for revenge, some as a precaution," Strange tried a different point. "If not for experimenting on him first, that is."

"He has many forms," Thor dismissed the concern. "And could protect himself if provoked-"

"You can't make me. Not only stay here but in hiding?" Loki seemed offended. "With these... pathetic peasants?"

"Maybe staying here would also put your head straight," Thor seemed adamant.

"Unlike you, one fair Midgardian maiden isn't enough to change my mind," Loki hissed.

"Then try a couple," Thor shrugged. "Then again, I don't think I've ever seen you lust for a woman, so if you decide to enjoy the company of men instead, just try to keep a low profile."

"I'll have your head for this," Loki hissed, pulling two knives out of thin air. "Who knows, Odin might reward me for it, and even if not..."

"I have no time to babysit," Strange tried to diffuse the tension. Some of the relics around them were sensitive, after all, and the last thing he'd like to use the Time-Stone for was cleanup after two gods attacked each other on their grounds.

If looks could kill, Loki's eyes would have already burned Steven to a pile of ash on the floor.

"I'm more than a thousand years older than you are, ant."

"Yet dare I say, none the wiser," the doctor noted. "And good or bad, you bring Chaos. We're shorthanded as it is, and the last thing any of my people need is more trouble."

"If you think your pitiful insults would urge me to prove you how noble I can be if I wanted to be, I'd hate to disappoint your nativity," Loki got into his face, but at least he postponed murdering his brother for now. "No one can make the God of Chaos do anything. Not even Odin himself could. The destruction of New York was nothing compared to what I did to-"

Stephen also felt how much magic was coming off from Loki, in waves. His own powers shied in comparison. 

Instead of being intimidated however, he caught himself thinking if Loki was to stay, maybe he could discretely outwit and learn a couple of tricks from the Asgardian. 

Even that random thought wasn't enough to tempt him though, not really.

"See, you're already conversing about topics that are of grave importance to you," Thor only told Loki, patting him on the back as if in almost encouragement. "And it would be only a week or two at most."

"I will not stay a minute longer, Thor, I'd rather stab myself in the balls than to be left behind-"

"Don't you wish to know why your plans to conquer them didn't work, Loki?" Thor seemed to switch tactics as well. "If you truly want to rule any kingdom one day, what does it tell you if you couldn't even figure what makes the Midgardians tick?"

"They had been left to their own devices for too long, but it's nothing I couldn't handle given the right chance," Loki huffed.

Strange not only didn't want Loki to stay, but he was concerned about where this conversation was going, so he quickly interjected.

"As I've said, Earth is no place for Loki. Even if he wanted to stay, which he clearly doesn't, he's too dangerous. So, as one of the people who are responsible for this planet's safety and everyone on it, I can't let him stay," Strange told him. "With respect, I suggest finding another realm which I'm sure could be more suitable..."

"How dare you!" Loki was fuming. "If I wanted to stay, you'd have no say in it whatsoever, and-"

"No, no, he has a point," Thor seemed to be deep in thought for a moment until he spoke up again. "When I was banished, I was stripped from my powers not only as a lesson but also as a way of protecting the humans around me."

"Too bad that you can't just seal my powers away that easily, brother," Loki just sneered. "As I'm sure you already would have tried to do it hundreds of years ago otherwise."

"No, I guess not," Thor nodded almost absentmindedly but turned to Strange. " _On a completely unrelated issue,_ say, Doctor, if I was to marry my beloved Jane, regarding Midgardian customs, how long that matrimony would be expected to last? A human lifetime?"

"Until death. Hers or yours," Strange supplied.

"I see, I see. So there is no way for it to be shorter?"

Stephen was a bit taken aback by that, just as Loki, it seemed because he was looking at Thor dubiously, but why not tell him.

"Unless you get a divorce. Some papers declaring that it's officially over. Signed by both parties," Strange tried to explain. 

Wondering what this Jane would say if she heard this conversation, but it wasn't his place to question, and if information about human relationships could mean he'd finally get rid of Loki then so be it.

"Midgardians and their funny, entertaining ways, wonderful," Thor chuckled. But then he lifted his hammer and started an incantation, as if it was the most natural thing in the world to do in the middle of a conversation.

"Thor-" Loki would start, but when he tried to take a step closer to his brother, he was sent flying back accompanied by some lighting, Thor's eyes channeling it just as his body now from Mjolnir.

Strange himself put up shields to protect the Sanctum's structure and was just about to try to deal with Thor when Wong also appeared, and helped him with the shields, but by then, whatever Thor was doing was soon over.

"What on the seven gates of Hel!" Loki seemed to be beyond himself in disbelief, while Strange felt weird.

First, he thought how he might have used more power on the shields than he intended, which would certainly explain if he felt lightheaded, after all, he wasn't trained to face down Norse gods. But that wasn't right, and something else was off.

"Well, friend Strange was right, and you can be a handful, Loki, and his powers while plentiful, wouldn't be enough to keep you in check," Thor explained. "So as your ruler and head of the family, when Father is unavailable, I decided to temporarily wedlock you two. This way, he can protect you. Even from yourself."

"Excuse me?!" Strange found himself asking, while Loki pulled out his knives again.

"You went too far, this time, Thor-"

"Careful, brother," Thor warned. "As it was my power that facilitated your marriage if you wish to undo it with due time-"

"Why wouldn't I wish to undo it?!"

"Then you'd need my powers for this divorce-thing as well."

"Well then, undo it. RIGHT! FUCKING! NOW!!!" Loki attacked, and there were green bursts of power now everywhere, so while Wang jumped to put up some shields once again, Stephen only thought how he wished Loki would shut up so he could think if only to figure out a way of this mess.

And, then, Loki switched targets, throwing his knives at Strange for some reason. Which Stephen could shield away, but that didn't make the situation any better.

"See, brother? I have said many times you talk too much, and it seems your husband agrees. Just don't kill each other until I get back."

"Wait a minute, I did this?" Strange gestured to Loki, who kept on attacking and possibly yelling too, but not a sound left his mouth.

"You mentioned he was above your pay-grade, so I gave you a little power over him, as husbands have power over their wives on Asgard anyway," Thor patted him on the back, which only angered Strange's cloak. "I appreciate all your help, as my father will one day and reward you for it, I'm sure. Now I must take my leave-"

"Except, on Earth, you can't just marry two people without their permission!" Strange tried to stop him. "And-"

"Not in the US, maybe, but there are still plenty of arranged and political marriages elsewhere," Wong offered the information to Thor, making Stephen stare.

"See, my dear brother-in-law?" Thor happily agreed. "Everything will be just fine! At least until I return. And if not, now you have the right tools to overpower my brother."

"I don't-"

" _In any way you wish,_ " Thor moved closer to conspiratorially whisper. "Loki, he is... always the most hostile towards the people who interest him so. I think he's quite fond of you already."

"No, I most certainly don't wish to... I've never had a relationship with a man. And I have someone else, but as Sorcerer Supreme, I shouldn't marry anyway, as it can be a distraction, putting people in the way of harm and-" Strange tried to put his wish for divorce in a believable way, yet not insulting.

"If you don't wish to get close to him that's just fine as well. But as I have already said, my brother has many forms, so maybe he could take a form that would please you. Even if not, I'm sure you will figure it out a way to keep him in line," Thor said, and no matter how Stephen tried to stop him, left.

Loki finally shut up, but even his glare and the angle his hair was at didn't promise much good, while Strange - trying to postpone the decision as to what to do with him - turned his attention to Wong.

"Arranged marriages, seriously?"

"I don't see your problem. What I said is true," Wong simply told him. "And the Sanctums need more power. Now you have some."

"Yes, but it doesn't mean anything if I have to micro-manage a Norse God who is just in the rebellion phase and wouldn't stop at anything to get back on his daddy dearest who-"

"You're welcome," Wong shrugged. "Don't let me keep you from your wedded bliss."


End file.
